I'm a strong believer that therapy isn't about merely turning up. You have to put in some elbow grease for therapy to be effective. Yet, with this, you may be ready to work hard and do what is necessary to see change and progress in therapy, but don't know what effort actually looks like or how apply it. That's alright. It's not as straightforward as it might seem.
Let me paint you a picture of what a person who works hard in therapy looks like (so you can take the parts that are meaningful and realistic for you)...
Before a therapy session, they are in the mood to open up and venture to uncomfortable places
Now, I can admit this hasn't always been me. I have certainly had a session booked for myself as a client and have totally felt avoidant, lazy and would just plain I-would-rather-not that day.
But how you are feeling when you approach a therapy session matters.
It's not ideal to have worked a ten-hour day only to slump into the counselling chair opposite your therapist. Understandably, you'll be tired and your mind will drift. As well as this, you don't want to endure a grueling commute to arrive safely. If you've been stuck in traffic and fighting off other drivers' road rage, naturally you'll need precious time in your session to decompress or may even spend the session complaining about the chaos of the underground - and regret this later.
Ideally, you'll be well rested and will feel at ease before your session begins. We rely on this ease so that you are a fresh canvas ready for exploring new painting materials. We want you to be ready for whatever the session brings - however uncomfortable or rocky.
During sessions, they are focused on both themselves and the therapeutic relationship
Focusing on oneself and the therapeutic relationship will look differently for each person, of course, since each person is different.
One key way to focus in therapy is to remember why you've come and where you want to be - don't loose sight of your motivations and goals. This helps to keep things on track. Knowing what you want to achieve in therapy (in the amount of time you have) allows both yourself and your therapist to avoid talking about the traffic you fought through to arrive or how your Amazon package hasn't yet arrived. Focus on the goals (and the ways they might need to change).
Focusing on goals may mean that you become direct. And that's great! It's very important that you don't worry about being the best version of yourself in therapy. Say it how it is. Get to the point if this flows naturally to you. Your therapist doesn't care if you swear or speak fast or colloquially - in fact they should enjoy and praise you for being yourself and expressing yourself naturally around them. A lot can get done when you talk boldly.
And this includes talking boldly to your therapist - that is, to them about the therapeutic relationship. Talk about how improvements can be made to the relationship. About what you like or dislike in therapy. About your thoughts about the direction and whether you are a satisfied client. This communication is key and you need it with your therapist. If this is something you struggle with, then even better. Your therapist is the perfect person to practise communication with!
Following this, know that the person who gets the most out of therapy remembers that therapy is a collaboration. Be open to your therapist's thoughts and inputs. They shouldn't be barging in and moving things around (believe me, they really really shouldn't be doing that), but you are a team working together for your common goal. Stay open and kind to them.
Getting the most out of your sessions also includes the time between sessions
I have written about this space between sessions in blogs before because it is a crucial time. What going on for you in the therapy hour filters into all parts of life, which means that both cognitively and physically you are assimilating changes, considering any new insights that came to the fore during the hour. It's an incredibly active process. You are in therapy, quite literally, throughout the whole week - not just for an hour here and there.
Don't neglect this time between sessions.
Therapy is strictly about you, your therapist and your therapeutic process, albeit in whatever shape or size this takes.
To get the most of therapy try to consider each moment leading up to the session, the time spent with your therapist in the session and how to process between sessions.
Consider how you feel when you approach a session. Be open, talk bold and engage closely and honesty with your therapist. They are there for you.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
5th December 2022
Lily is a psychotherapist trained and educated in person-centred counselling to master's level and achieved an MA in anthropology. Her areas of interest include our relationships with ourselves and others as well as the ways in which we relate to objects, such as food and money, and activities, such as shopping and work.
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